


Cheesy

by CrystallicSky



Series: Oneshots [16]
Category: Xiaolin Showdown (Cartoon)
Genre: Chase is Unimpressed, Cheesy, Happy Ending Anyway, Jack is a Dork, M/M, Pickup Lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-20
Updated: 2008-09-20
Packaged: 2017-11-12 19:09:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/494676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystallicSky/pseuds/CrystallicSky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pickup lines are very rarely successful.</p><p>That doesn't stop Jack from trying a whole bunch of them anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cheesy

"I'm sorry, were you talking to me?"

Chase looked at the goth speaking to him and blandly answered, "No."

Jack smiled brightly, encouraging, "Well then, by all means, start!"

The warlord scowled, stating, "I've _nothing_ to say to you, Spicer." He then teleported home from the Showdown.

 

* * *

 

 "Hey, Chase?"

"What?" the man demanded, frowning as the teen's red eyes went soft and cutesy.

"Let's make like a fabric softener and snuggle…"

"I've never before used fabric softener, and I don't intend to start now."

 

* * *

 

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put B and J together," Jack smirked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"And I, Spicer," Chase snorted, "would put U as far away from I as possible."

 

* * *

 

 "You've been a bad boy," the young genius frowned at the warlord, "go to my room."

"I'd much rather be put to _death_ as punishment," the dragon scoffed.

 

* * *

 

 "Did it hurt?"

Chase rolled his eyes, drolly questioning, "Did _what_ hurt?"

Jack grinned at him seductively as he replied, "When you fell from heaven."

"No," the man assured, already walking away, "I had a net."

 

* * *

 

 "Would you be my love buffet, Chase? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?"

"You may not," the warlord frowned. "If I recall correctly, you're on a hunger-strike to protest the mistreatment of mental defects like _yourself_."

 

* * *

 

 Jack Spicer approached his idol, licking his finger before wiping it on the man's sleeve. "Let's get you out of those wet clothes," he decided.

"No, thank you," the man huffed in response. "I'd been planning to get wet today, anyways. I'll simply have to take my shower earlier than usual now that your saliva is on me."

 

* * *

 

"Excuse me, do you have any raisins?"

"No."

"Well, then, how about a date?"

Chase scowled at him. "I'm sorry, but I'm generally not in the habit of keeping fruits of any sort around me, so I suggest _you_ leave, Spicer."

 

* * *

 

"Your lips look _so_ lonely," the goth commented, proposing, "Would they like to meet mine?"

"My lips are rather anti-social at the moment," the warlord returned. "They're not looking for any friends."

 

* * *

 

 "If I bit my lip," Jack inquired cutely, "would you kiss it better?"

"Kisses are no better remedy than placebos," Chase informed. "I suggest trying one of those instead."

 

* * *

 

 "You be the Dairy Queen and I'll be your Burger King: you treat me right, and I'll do it your way…"

"Perhaps you should aspire to be more like Papa John's Pizza."

"Huh?" the albino intelligently wondered.

"Better ingredients."

 

* * *

 

"Well, here I am," Jack smirked, sidling up beside his evil hero. "What were your other two wishes?"

Chase shoved the youth away, answering, "That would be an immunity to leprosy, and then that you had it."

 

* * *

 

 "If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?"

"No, I would simply ignore you. It's along the same lines as the concept, 'don't feed the _animals_ '."

 

* * *

 

 "Hey, I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus…"

"Really?" Chase queried, feigning interest. "May you get lost in a black hole on your way there."

 

* * *

 

 "Hey, baby, I'm like a rubix cube. The more you _play_ with me, the _harder_ I get…" Jack grinned.

"I've never been good with rubix cubes," the warlord admitted. "I always just peeled off the stickers and threw it away."

And with that, he tore off the goth's jacket and kicked him off his mountain, the youth only barely saving himself by activating his helipack.

 

* * *

 

 "I wish I were a derivative," Jack purred, "so I could lie tangent to your curves."

"Get real, Square of Negative One."

 

* * *

 

 "Gee, that's a nice set of legs," the genius commented, watching Chase absolutely demolish a block of stone with a kick. "What time do they open?"

"My apologies, Spicer," the warlord smirked, "but the guest list is very exclusive, and your name doesn't appear to be on it."

 

* * *

 

 "Want to come see my hard drive? I swear it isn't 3.5 inches and floppy."

"Mm, tempting," the martial arts master commented, "but I doubt an itty-bitty flash-drive can handle _my_ files."

 

* * *

 

"My lips are skittles, wanna taste the rainbow, baby?"

Beginning to get annoyed beyond all reason at the near-constant barrage of idiocy, Chase growled raising a fist threateningly, "How about a jaw-breaker instead?"

 

* * *

 

 "Aw, jeez, can you pull this heart-shaped arrow out of my ass?" Jack grumbled, entirely unconvinced to just leave the warlord be, "Some damn little kid with wings shot me."

"A shame he missed your head," Chase commented.

 

* * *

 

 "I believe that it was Socrates who opined, 'Know thyself.'"

The warlord's ears perked at the actually _intelligent_ sentence being spoken to him by Jack Spicer.

"Well, I already know myself, how about I get to know _you_?"

Realizing it was nothing more than another infantile pick-up line, he scowled, "And I believe it was Confucius who said, 'honeyed words and flattering looks seldom speak of love'. I would appreciate you leave me be."

Wide, red eyes watched him go, for once stunned speechless at the man's comeback.

 

* * *

 

"Oh, _Spicer_ ," Chase huffed in aggravation, once more spying the goth lurking about his home, "come to try another pathetic attempt at winning me?"

Jack shuffled awkwardly, having been more deeply affected by the man's last refusal than he'd like to admit, before timidly inquiring, "Will you go out with me?"

The warlord inspected the young man with considering eyes.

"Yes."

"What?!" the goth gasped, "But—but—but—but…! If you'd go out with me _now_ , why'd you turn me down all the other times I asked?!"

Chase smirked, hooking an arm around the redhead's waist as he informed, "I have never been the type to be won by cheesy pick-up lines, Spicer. I _much_ more strongly favor straightforward requests. But, since you seemed so set upon the former until now… Do you know what winks and fucks like a tiger?"

Red eyes blinked, baffled. "Uh…no…"

The warlord's grin broadened and he winked once.

Needless to say, the rest of the day was spent proving that the riddle was no mere bluff.


End file.
